do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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