Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
