I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
