I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
