I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
