Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
