The maid of honor just puked.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I need a beard to bite.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
