he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
