I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
