i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
