I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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