Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
