Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
