this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
