I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
