i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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