is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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