Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
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