wakey wakey hands off snakey
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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