His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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