This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
