so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I understand Curling. That high.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
