I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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