I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
