someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My dick has a subreddit
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
