Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
