During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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