He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
