I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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