shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
