I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just cropdusted the office
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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