"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
