Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
