i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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