please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
