I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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