i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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