Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
