so explain again why im purple
no
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
