Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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