careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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