If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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