I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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