just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
