Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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