I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
