Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
