your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
