you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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