I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
