I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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